


A Mistake

by Toomuchofanerd



Category: Star Trek: The Original Series
Genre: Alternate Universe, Opposite Gender versions, Other, Trans Character, Transgender Kirk
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-09-17
Updated: 2016-09-26
Packaged: 2018-08-15 11:15:14
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 5,348
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8054161
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Toomuchofanerd/pseuds/Toomuchofanerd
Summary: Once again,the Enterprise crew finds themselves in a bit of trouble. They are sent to an alternate universe through a pocket in time that's right next to Vulcan. They find themselves, but as opposite genders. All except one person-Kirk.





	1. A Twist of Time

**Author's Note:**

> (I attempted to make it so that instead of just having "opposite" names,the characters have names that their parents would've chosen had they been the opposite sex.  
> Jelari means "mighty" in Swahili.

"Check again,Spock. That can't be right." James T. Kirk,commander of the starship Enterprise, gazed intently at his science officer.

 

Spock leaned back over,gazing into the sensor in front of him. 

 

"The stars are...reversed. They are on the opposite side of where they should be."

 

Kirk got up, moving past the rail separating the lower and upper halves of the bridge, heading over to Spock.

 

"Explain,Mr.Spock. What sent us here? Where are we?"

 

Kirk was worried that they'd been sent to what was considered the "Mirror Universe " again, where violent versions of the Enterprise crew were,though the apprehension didn't show. 

 

"It is probable that we have found a 'pocket ' into an alternate universe. " Spock turned to look at his captain, his voice flat. "I believe we simply ran into a certain area of space at the wrong time."

 

Kirk walked back to his chair,quickly sitting down.

 

"Sir,a starship has appeared...it's the Enterprise!" One of the navigators,Hikaru Sulu, announced.

 

James straightened his back. "Uhura, establish video contact."

 

Nyota Uhura, the ship's communicator, quickly got to work after a "Yes,sir."

 

The screen wavered for a second before displaying what appeared to be a female Sulu sitting at the command chair,with only three other crew members on the bridge. 

 

Both groups sat in silence for a moment,shocked by what they saw. 

 

"This is Lt. Akemi Sulu,in temporary command of the Enterprise." 

 

Kirk sat up slightly straighter. 

 

"I'm James T. Kirk,commander of the starship Enterprise. Me and my crew have been transported here by mistake. We don’t belong here." 

 

Akemi shifted; she did not seem to know how to react. 

 

Truth be told,neither did Kirk. 

 

He'd never been in a situation quite like this before,and though it was a lot better than many of the other tight situations that the crew had gotten themselves into, it was certainly the most awkward.

 

Kirk leaned back slightly in his chair,looking around at his crew.

 

"You and your crew are welcome on the Enterprise while we attempt to figure this out. Maybe you can help us,if you're willing?" 

 

Akemi looked the bridge crew over carefully before replying. 

 

"I'll discuss it with the captain. Transmission dismissed." 

 

At least they'd have some help with getting out of here.

 

A few hours later,Uhura received a transmission from her male counterpart,Jelari,saying that the captain had agreed to allowing his crew to transport over.

 

It was decided that each crew member would stay with their counterpart,as they were the most alike and would find each others’ rooms more suited to their liking. 

 

The crew of the 'other' Enterprise began transporting over, all except a skeleton crew left to maintain the ship.

 

The bridge crew members were the last to transport over.

 

As the bridge crew of the parallel crew began to materialize, Kirk began to get nervous. Two of the figures appeared to be male,meaning one of them wasn't Jelari.

 

When the figures were definable,Kirk had to grab onto the transport console as a wave of sickness hit him.

 

The second male figure was him. The only difference was that the parallel Kirk seemed more...masculine.

 

There was a long pause,and the other Kirk seemed almost to smile for just a second. 

 

Kirk swallowed hard,feeling hurt. He hadn't ever seen himself as a girl,so the thought that his counterpart would be a male had never crossed his mind. 

 

Did the universes see him as a girl? 

 

After all he'd done to change that! 

 

Female Spock moved forward,raising her hand in the standard Vulcan greeting towards Spock. "Peace and long life.I believe that our names are the same. You may refer to me as Mrs.Spock,if it would make referencing me easier for you all."

 

At the last part,she turned her head slightly to address everyone. 

 

Spock held his hand up in the same gesture. "Live long and prosper. I will show you to our quarters,if you are still needing rest?" 

 

Spock moved his head in a way that was unnervingly similar to the way his counterpart had addressed them all just moments before.

 

The rest of the crew moved off of the transporter,sensing the uncomfortable atmosphere.

 

Bones went up to his counterpart ; the woman looked as tough as Leonard did, and she had that same look in her eyes. 

 

"I'm Leonard McCoy. And you are?" He offered her his hand.

 

"You've got to be kidding me! I'm Jolene McCoy." She took his hand and shook it.

 

Greetings were exchanged, and it was soon discovered that everyone got along with their parallel versions. 

 

"I'm...." The moment of silence as he hesitated felt almost heavy. "I'm James Tiberius Kirk." 

 

Kirk was wondering if he was really a girl,somehow. If he'd been wrong for so many years,and his happiness was because of something else. 

 

He felt awful. He didn't let it show,and extended his hand. 

 

Hayden looked at him glancing around almost nervously before taking his hand and introducing himself. 

 

"My name is Hayden Kirk."

 

Kirk nodded slightly. He just wanted to be alone for a while,to try and clear his head. 

 

Hayden seemed to have the same idea.

 

It was still late in this universe,and the time was beginning to catch up with them; they were all as tired as if they had been awake as long as their counterparts. 

 

They decided to all head to their rooms and get some sleep. 

 

The Kirks agreed to take shifts, to make it easier on both of them. 

 

Once Jim was alone on the bridge,he had a breakdown.

 

"Does...does this mean that I'm still considered a woman...by space and time? That not everyone sees me as a man? "

 

Kirk looked at his hands, his voice shaking. He was on the edge of tears. 

 

"Everyone else seems so normal compared to me."

 

If anyone else had been there, he wouldn’t have let his fears out into the open. Why now,after all they'd been through? 

 

He had finally gained confidence...it was all gone.

 

He sighed,trying to calm himself down. It did no good to lose control. Kirk felt himself wanting to talk to Spock,the person who knew him best.

 

Of course,he had to wait for his shift to be over. 

 

The hours seemed to pass slower than normal. It might have been because he was watching the clock closely.

 

Immediately after James’s shift was over ,and Hayden came to take the post over,Kirk got up and quickly headed to Spock's quarters. 

 

He had forgotten about Mrs.Spock in his need to talk to his friend.

 

When Mrs.Spock answered his request to come in,he was taken aback for just a moment,but still went inside. 

 

James found both Spocks sitting opposite each other,their legs crossed in a meditative pose.

 

Kirk was acting as formal as he did around new people, which was strange, because not only did both Spocks look the same, but they acted the same.

 

Mrs.Spock would have the nearly the same reaction, if not one extremely similar.

 

"I want to speak to you alone,Mr.Spock."

 

Kirk's words were soft,something they hadn't been since before he'd met Spock.

 

James’s tone was enough to cause the moments before Mrs.Spock got up and left uncomfortable for all of them.

 

She could tell that what Jim wanted to discuss was a very private matter,and she didn't want to intrude.

 

"I think you know what this is about. I need your guidance on this."

 

Spock looked Jim over,his expression piercing. "The sexes are opposite in this universe. We do not know about genders. Do not let the...'parallel' version of you make you feel as if you are wrong in who you are." 

 

Spock's words were carefully chosen,and his face was expressionless.

 

Kirk sighed lowly. "I guess you're right..." 

 

He still wasn't sure,and the uncertainty was tearing him up inside.

 

"I'm sorry to have disturbed you...I'll leave now."

 

Kirk left before Spock could reply,heading back to his quarters.

 

Spock's words felt thin,though they did help a little. Kirk was still apprehensive about the whole thing. 

 

The next few days would be hard…

 

He plopped onto his bed,turning to lie on his back.

 

He stared up at the ceiling,mulling over the possibility of him being a girl.

 

The idea was strange,as it had always been,but there was a sting to the idea.

 

He'd spent much of his life attempting to convince himself that transpeople like him were accepted by most of the universe,and completely normal. 

 

It had nothing to do with the way he'd been treated,as people were extremely accepting of transpeople-excluding primitive species and a few species scattered throughout the universe. 

 

It had been his own mind attempting to destroy him,as human minds always seemed to do at some point. 

 

The thought that he'd been right when he was hurting himself the most was more potent than ever.

 

What had he done wrong to deserve this-any of this? 

 

He'd been raised on the idea that everything happened for a reason. What was the reason for this?

 

Was the universe trying to push him into becoming a girl 'again'? He wouldn't let it. 

He closed his eyes,sighing lowly.

 

Slowly,uncertainty and sadness still spinning around his head, he fell asleep.


	2. Three Days Too Deep

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kirk finds himself plagued with nightmares he hasn't had in years- or ever. He starts thinking some rather dark thoughts. Even after talking to Spock,his fears aren't calmed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (There is a death in one of Kirk's dreams,and he does think a few violent thoughts,as he's going a bit insane. I made sure that nothing really needed for the storyline was in this chapter,though it does take the emotional aspect and deepen it. If violence and/or death make you uncomfortable,feel free to skip.

James was on the Enterprise,in the turbolift,heading towards the bridge.

 

He didn't remember leaving his room,but he must've been half asleep or something when he had.

 

Sometimes that happened. As a captain,he had to respond quickly without a moment's pause, and once in awhile that meant that he was responding without a single thought.

 

He'd been called by either a red alert or someone hailing him. 

 

He was so tired at the time he couldn't remember which. 

 

He couldn't remember even waking up,just being in the turbolift. 

 

Kirk was too distracted with wondering with the situation was to really question why.

 

The turbolift stopped,and the doors slid open with their usual whooshing sound.

 

Kirk headed towards his chair,wondering what the emergency was. "What's the situation,Mr.Spock?" 

 

His voice sounded...lighter.

 

Kirk cleared his throat. His voice wasn't big enough of a deal to worry about at the moment.

 

"We've encountered a Klingon ship, Captain. They have not responded to our hails,and their weapons are currently being charged."

 

Kirk sat down,pressing his elbow into the armrest and leaning into his hand slightly. 

 

"Continue trying to hail them,Lieutenant. Prepare torpedoes, Mr.Sulu." 

 

They were in a free area of space, so there was really no reason to fight. 

 

Kirk would find a peaceful solution to this if he could. 

 

"We've established video contact."

 

James sat up. "On screen."

 

The screen wavered for a second before displaying a Klingon commander. 

 

The commander began laughing. "The great captain Kirk is actually a woman! The empire will hear of this."

 

Kirk stood up,confused more than hurt by the commander's words.

 

"What's the meaning of this?" 

 

Spock moved to stand beside James. "They mean to demean you because of your gender."

 

Kirk shifted. Gender? His sex was female,but his gender was most certainly male.

 

He had done all the surgeries,even taken hormones. Even if he hadn't, that wouldn't have made him any less of a guy.

 

He crossed his arms over his chest,ready to defend himself. 

 

He may be a transman,but that didn't make him any less of a man. 

 

He froze. He had a chest again. 

 

He slowly looked down, for the first time noticing how breezy it felt, only to find that he was wearing a dress. 

 

His stomach seemed to drop to his feet,and Kirk quickly moved to sit back at his chair,hoping to cut off the view of the lower half of his body.

 

With his breath coming slowly and his heart beating fast, it was hard to control himself.

 

"There has been some sort of mistake..."

 

Kirk shifted,feeling as if everyone was watching him. 

 

He glanced out of the corner of his eye and realized they were.

 

"I'm a man."

 

The Klingon crew began to laugh, and his crew stared at him as if he'd gone mad.

 

Kirk felt as if,just maybe,he had gone mad. He wanted to scream, or hit something.

 

James stood there, unsure of what to do.

 

Then he broke down, unable to control himself.

 

"Captain to the bridge." 

 

Kirk shifted upright in a heartbeat,still chilled by the aftermath of his nightmare.

 

He quickly got up and dressed,feeling shaken and embarrassed.

 

He hadn't had a dream like that since his time in academy,and in this moment he felt as inexperienced as he had been back then.

 

He felt exhausted,though he'd gotten the regulation eight hours of sleep. 

 

James reached over and hit the Comm button. "I'm heading over now." 

 

When James stepped onto the bridge, he was disheartened to find Hayden still there.

 

He moved over to his chair,looking at Haden spitefully. Ordinarily ,he'd probably have gently jested at him for having still been there,but he was feeling a bit angry at Hayden. 

 

It was Haden's fault that these dreams had started again, the reason he'd started questioning again. 

 

The reason he was in so much pain.

 

Hayden quickly left, a bit of a jump in his step.

 

James sat down,his eyes glossing over the bridge as if he expected it to be different.

 

"Report,Mr.Spock." 

 

Spock turned to face James,having been bent over his visor.

 

"I believe I have successfully calculated when the next opening back to our universe will be."

 

James shifted, seeming quite relieved. 

 

"It will be three days and a hour from now. We will need the assistance of our parallel versions."

 

James became rigid. 

 

"For how long will we need their help with preparing?" 

 

Spock glanced at Kirk for the shortest of seconds.

 

"Three days."

 

Kirk groaned internally. 

 

The longer Haden stayed, the more dysphoric he got,and the harder it was to act like nothing was wrong. 

 

He'd stopped taking hormones after his last surgery,because he had felt so much like a man that taking them felt unneeded.

 

Most of the changes to his body due to the hormones had been permanent. He felt the need, or, rather, the want, to take them now.

 

He clicked on the com for sickbay. 

 

"Kirk to McCoy." Kirk paused for a moment. "Do you still have T for me on board?"

 

Kirk felt as if the reply was taking too long,but it had ,in truth, only been a few seconds. 

 

"McCoy here. There’s testosterone, and paperwork to fill out. " 

 

Leonard ended the transmission. 

 

Kirk shifted, peering around him carefully,hoping no one was watching him as they had in his dream.

 

He didn't feel like himself; maybe he wasn't. 

 

Throughout the day,he was on edge,and would look around every few seconds. 

 

He was good at hiding his misgivings, so only one person noticed: Spock.

 

He could hide nothing from Spock; Spock knew him too well.

 

When what felt like the longest time had passed, Kirk headed for the recreation room to workout.

 

He normally worked out every other day in his free time anyways,but today he was going to go all out. 

 

Before he could get too into it,Spock interrupted him. 

 

"May I join you,Captain?" 

 

James nodded promptly and moved so that Spock could train beside him. 

 

James would move so they could train together,instead of side by side, every time Spock asked. Every time, that is, but this time.

 

This time he couldn't handle fighting Spock ,simply because he was strongly tempted to ask Spock to go all out- even if it meant severely injuring his captain.

 

His emotions were so strong on the matter that Spock could sense them just by standing near Kirk.

 

"Captain,I wish to speak in private with you." 

 

James stopped mid punch,turning to face Spock.

 

"Lead the way,Mr.Spock."

 

His words were direct,and his voice solid. It sounded almost like an order. 

 

Spock raised an eyebrow,but didn't say a word as he turned and led the way to his private quarters. 

 

Once both of them stood in Spock's room,Spock locked the door behind him. Or,well,he set it so that it could only be opened when there was an emergency or from the inside,which was the most privacy that he'd allow.

 

"We are alone,Captain." 

 

Despite Spock's words,Kirk found himself looking around. 

 

His nightmare was beginning to affect how he felt about his real life relationships. 

 

After all,how were they feeling? 

 

They could easily be thinking the same things as him,or have decided that he was really a woman. The thought seemed to break his heart more.

 

Even though they were alone,Kirk was careful and drawn back.

 

"I...have had a nightmare. It has caused me to feel exhausted,that is all."

 

Spock shifted,standing straight. 

 

"I have seen you exhausted,Captain. The nightmare is bothering you."

 

Kirk felt bad for having been caught so easily in a lie. He looked down. 

 

"I'm feeling dysphoric." 

 

Spock looked Kirk over. "You look and sound as you did before. No one is questioning your maleness."

 

Kirk moved back,leaning against the desk by the side of the desk.

 

"My feelings aren't...logical,Spock. But they're there and I can't help it. There's nothing anyone can do to stop them. Reasoning doesn't work." 

 

Spock seemed almost uncomfortable,his stance tightening. Perhaps those words sounded a little too familiar,almost as if Spock had had similar thoughts.

 

"I am sorry that I could not help you,Captain." 

 

Spock unlocked the door.

 

"I have duties I must attend to."

 

Kirk headed out,followed shortly by Spock.

 

They separated the moment they were out the door. 

 

Kirk headed left,for the recreation room,Spock right,for the science station. 

 

The evening was spent with Kirk training hard and fast,pushing himself to a point of exhaustion he'd been careful not to pass before,if he could help it.

 

At the end of the day he could barely walk,and yet his mind was still picking him apart. His hips were too curvy,he wasn't as strong as he should be,his cheekbones weren't defined enough,he didn't look like a guy.

 

He tried to be smart about it,but his emotions and thoughts wouldn't listen. He’d always been able to control almost any first reaction or thought he had- it was part of being a captain,after all,but this was something it seemed he'd never really had under control. 

 

Kirk limped to his room,his body aching.

 

He yelled at himself mentally.

 

In his condition,he was sure that he'd have a delayed reaction to any emergency, and possibly wouldn't be able to move without pain tomorrow.

 

He'd made tomorrow much longer for himself.

 

Falling asleep wasn't hard,not after the stress he'd put himself through. 

 

When he opened his eyes,he found the Hayden standing over him,looking smug.

 

"I'm glad you found me. You needed to know what you really are-a girl." 

 

James couldn't control himself. In a heartbeat he got up,grabbing Hayden around the neck and beginning to strangle him. 

 

It felt oddly good to do what he was doing,as if it wasn't Hayden he was choking but his own self doubt.

 

Hayden didn't have time to react before James had gotten a solid grip,so he wasn't able to get him off. 

 

Hayden passed out,but James kept squeezing and squeezing.

 

He'd sworn never to kill a man! He tried to stop,but he couldn't.

 

'While he's here,who I am is put into question!' 

 

The thought came in a flash,and then Kirk realized Hayden was dead.

 

James panicked,wondering what he should do with the body.

 

Hayden began to bleed from his nose, for no apparent reason, and all James could think was 'He's getting blood everywhere.' 

 

Maybe he should turn himself in? 

 

No, he couldn't do that. 

 

He'd been defending himself, he hadn't been in control.

 

James grabbed the phaser he always had in his room and aimed it at Hayden.

 

He needed to get rid of the body,one way or another. 

 

He fired the phaser until Haden was nothing more than a pile of ashes.

 

James felt...satisfied. 

 

There was no one to question him now. 

 

He was a man. 

 

At the same time,guilt and sadness rose in him.

 

He'd ended a life,then proceeded to congratulate himself? 

 

What was he becoming? What kind of man could do such a thing? 

 

He looked at his hands,which seemed clean enough. 

 

He felt sick. He'd just killed a man,for God's sake. 

 

He headed to sickbay in a hurry,his heart pounding in his ears. 

 

He must have some sort of alien virus.

 

He wasn't acting like himself at all.

 

Or was he? 

 

The question came from somewhere deep in his mind.

 

"Bones?" Kirk called out, stopping just inside the doorway of sickbay. 

 

McCoy headed over to Kirk,a PADD in his hands.

 

He was filling out paperwork as he walked.

 

He set the PADD down on his desk. 

 

"What is it,Jim?" 

 

Kirk shifted,"I...killed a man."

 

The words seemed to come out before James could stop them or even think about how to put his actions into words.

 

Leonard was silent for a second. 

 

"If this is your idea of a joke,then it isn't funny. I have work to do."

 

Kirk fell apart in front of Leonard,something that happened rarely, if ever.

 

"I killed a man,Bones!"

 

There was a wild look in his eyes that made it clear he was serious. 

 

Leonard paused for a moment,then sat down. 

 

"What the hell happened,Jim?" 

 

In a rush, Kirk told everything to Leonard. 

 

At the end,fear was clear in Leonard's eyes.

 

James felt a pang in his chest. Bones was scared of him. What he'd done.

 

Why had he done it? 

 

"Captain to the bridge." 

 

James jerked awake,wondering if Leonard had managed to sedate him without him remembering: it was possible.

 

James looked around.

 

He was in his room,his blanket wrapped around one leg tightly and covered in sweat.

 

That must mean...it had been a dream.

 

Otherwise he'd be strapped down in sickbay. 

 

Leonard would've at least kept him overnight after such a confession.

 

James got up,pain slicing through him. 

 

In his panic,he'd forgotten that he'd worked out so hard yesterday.

 

It must've been a dream,because he'd been unaffected by the weariness that now was everywhere in his body.

 

As quickly as he could,he got dressed and headed for the bridge, attempting to look like a captain as he did so.

 

When he got to the bridge,he silently waved Hayden off of his chair and sat down.

 

Looking rather confused, Haden left without putting up a fight of any kind. 

 

There would be no emergency,as they weren't moving,weren't in orbit,and were in Federation owned space. 

 

They were safe here,but taking precautions by taking shifts was an example of the saying "Better to be safe than sorry". 

 

Better to have two captains,both well rested, than one captain, sleep deprived and tired.

 

At this moment,Kirk felt both, but didn't care for the logic.

 

Working out hadn't helped,and he was hoping doing his usual duties would somehow help more than they had yesterday. 

 

There was no reasoning in his thoughts,only hope and desperation. 

 

He needed to stop thinking about how he felt and if he was manly enough...Now,there was also the question: Would he kill to prove himself?

 

Would he even kill? 

 

Every moment spent on thoughts about himself only made him depressed. 

 

He needed to focus on being a captain. 

 

Yet it wasn't working. Reading paperwork didn't help, getting regular updates on the ship and her crew didn't help, having to log his day didn't help. 

 

He felt helpless,and maybe this time he was.

 

It was like...he didn't know what it was like,but he was becoming his own worst enemy,something he'd stopped being years ago.

 

His suicidal teenage years were coming back and smacking him in the face,but even in his darkest of days he'd never questioned if he'd kill a man to go unattacked.

 

This was worse than even then.

 

"Captain...?" 

 

James snapped to attention,having zoned out without realizing it. 

 

Nyota was talking to him,sounding worried. 

 

"Are you alright?"

 

James looked at her as if her question was silly,smiling his trademark grin

 

. "I'm fine. What did you say?" 

 

Nyota still seemed unsure as she repeated herself.

 

"Hourly report. Everything is in perfect condition." 

 

As they had been for the last two reports, but James had asked to be constantly updated, hoping for something small to focus on.

 

"Thank you,Lieutenant." 

 

He shifted,eyes wandering the bridge.

 

He felt almost nervous in the captain's chair at the moment,as if he was the main focus, and the crew were gossiping about his parallel version and how it connected. 

 

He noticed Sulu and Chekov talking quietly and nearly snapped at them, but stopped short when he heard the word 'engine'.

 

He was becoming paranoid.

 

He swallowed deeply,checking the time. 

 

He'd been asleep for only three hours. 

 

Perhaps that was why they were worrying about him? 

 

He chastised himself for his behavior and thoughts.

 

He had spent so long building up his confidence and who he felt like,only to let it be torn down again by himself. He'd defended against several species in the beginning of his transition, and had spent hours gathering facts to support him that could stand up to even a Vulcan's logic. 

 

He was a man,even if the universe seemed to be thinking otherwise; and he had a ship to command. 

 

He'd been a fool to let anything get in the way of his duty. 

He sat up in his seat,still feeling unsure,but now able to set it aside and focus.


	3. A Correction

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kirk finds out something that allows him to rest easy,and the crew returns home.

The lack of sleep hit Kirk around the time Spock stepped onto the bridge. 

 

Even then,several hours after Kirk's arrival on the bridge,it was earlier than the time he'd normally be awake,let alone on the bridge. 

 

Spock raised an eyebrow,but didn't question his captain, simply heading over to the science station.

 

He did his morning routine of scanning the area and checking all decks, then began working on the exact timing for the next opening of the 'pocket'. 

 

James continued what he'd been doing all morning: signing papers on the Enterprise and her workings. 

 

The same thing he usually did when he was in the bridge when there was no threat. 

 

Kirk found himself becoming bored, and tired :he had nothing to do but distract himself from his inner turmoil. 

 

Of course it was still there,nothing short of a Vulcan mind meld could change that at this point, but he had it under enough control to be able to act as a captain should.

 

As he should have been acting all along.

 

He should have had better control of himself throughout the entire ordeal,even though he had been so deeply affected by it all. 

 

Talking down to himself about it would do no good: Kirk instead strived to do better.

 

He watched Spock,envying his control,but not the way he'd achieved it. 

 

Having emotions like he did,expressing them as strongly as he did,was part of what made him human and he wouldn't trade that for anything.

 

He did entertain the thought for a few seconds,however. 

 

There wasn't much else to do at this point,so letting his mind wander wasn't too big of a deal;it was better than letting the self doubt and dark thoughts out. 

 

During the day,James felt himself becoming more and more tired. 

 

Yet there was a deep apprehension about sleeping;with every dream,Kirk's self doubt grew,and the less he could control himself. 

 

Who knew what horror he'd dream up once he fell asleep?

 

He didn't know if it was him,the situation,or the area causing his nightmares, but he hoped they would go away once they were back in their own universe.

 

He could stay awake for a full day,if just to attempt and lessen the likelihood of another nightmare.

 

Even if it was James's subconscious mind that was causing the dreams, he felt leaving this universe behind would help somehow. 

 

James's mind seemed to float out into nothingness,unimportant thoughts that had little to no use.

 

He managed to stay focused enough to hear Nyota's hourly updates,and to check up on everything going on throughout the ship. 

 

The day passed by slowly,with James constantly on the edge of falling asleep. 

 

James knew the fear of his nightmares was stupid,but it was still there.

 

He'd stayed up longer than a full day before,but he had to admit even to himself that it had been a long time since, and his body was no longer used to it.

 

The only sound on the bridge was one of gentle chat,and Kirk was struggling to stay awake.

 

"Seven point thirty two hours until the pocket opens again,sir."

 

Kirk turned to face Spock.

 

"Thank you,Mr.Spock. Are we positioned for exit?" 

 

Spock turned to face his captain. "Yes sir.We will transport the alternate versions back to their ship."

 

Kirk looked at Spock,then got up. 

 

He was going to try to sleep ,because if he'd didn't he would fall asleep on the chair,and that was much worse.

 

"I'll be in my quarters."

 

Kirk headed to his room,groggily wondering if the other crewmembers had enjoyed having the alternate crew aboard.

 

When he got there,he found Hayden sitting on the edge of his bed,looking nervous. 

 

"I need to talk to you about something..." 

 

Jim was nervous as he sat beside Hayden on the bed.

 

"What is it...?" 

 

Hayden took a deep breath,looking down.

 

"This is really hard to say...but I'm a transgirl. Spock said that I should explain it to you...I'm not out to the crew yet. I've always been worried that they wouldn't accept me,even though transpeople are treated like everyone else. "

 

She took a deep breath.

 

"I've chosen the name Alexandra Paisley,because I believe it's what my parents would've named me...would you help me come out?"

 

Her words were uncertain.

 

After discussing it for several hours,they decided it would be best to just flat out tell Alexandra's crew once the crew had returned to their ship.

 

They didn't have much time to plan out her words. 

 

James suddenly felt much more awake.

 

He was simply meant to be trans in any universe,any dimension. 

 

The thought was a huge relief. 

 

When they had managed to scrape together a skeleton of a speech and the opening was only an hour away, the other crew began beaming over. 

 

Once again, the bridge crew were there, but this time to see the crew off. 

 

Kirk couldn't hide his nervousness as he headed back to the bridge. 

 

Alexandra planned on informing James of the responses of the crew,and he was jittery. 

 

She hailed the crew and told James that they'd been very accepting and that her McCoy had already secured hormones for her to begin her transition shortly after the full crew had beamed over. 

 

She was happy. James was almost as happy at the news,and wished her well. 

 

With Spock's careful calculations,they made it back into their universe back the way they'd come. 

 

All felt right with the world again.

**Author's Note:**

> ((The pocket is based loosely on the episodes "Tholian's Web" and "Mirror,Mirror". The events in this story take place after The Original Series,but before the movies.


End file.
